In speaking to a lot of parents, one of the most common frustrations is hearing how their child has developed a bad attitude in sports. Typically, the parents were athletes themselves, and don’t understand how their child developed such a negative outlook in their sport. They simply want their child to learn how to work hard, be a part of a team, display sportsmanship, and become motivated to want to do well. So why is it that their child has such a bad attitude? Here are just a few reasons why this may occur and how you can help them become more positive, focused, and motivated.
One of the number one reasons that children develop a bad attitude in sports is from their perspective on failure.
Children often have a low amount of tolerance for failure and therefore, have low amount of tolerance for how much effort they put in to learning from failure. Is this always the case? No. But it can turn into a high amount of frustration with themselves and leads to giving up, showing anger an frustration, and having a poor attitude about their sport, teammates, coaches, etc. Children can still put pressure on themselves to not only do something well, but do something well quickly, and sometimes to perfection.
Strategies: Continued positive reinforcement. The more positive you are in praising their efforts and attempts, the less likely it will be that the child will view their attempts as negative. When they become negative, ignore it. But as soon as they are able to highlight something positive they did or accomplished, praise it. Children often desire attention, so try to really give attention when it is positive. If you continue to give attention when they are being negative or a poor sport, they are still getting attention.
Sometimes, children simply do not enjoy their sport.
It is ok for a child to not enjoy each and every sport that they participate in. They are still human. If you look back to your youth, was there a possibility that there was a sport you didn’t really enjoy? I understand that regardless of enjoyment, there is still lessons children can learn from being in all types of sports, however, there is still room for acknowledgement if a child does not enjoy the sport they are in and finding terms of how they can still be a part of a team sport while also finding some enjoyment in it.
Strategies: This is a great time to learn how to identify small wins and always finding the positive in a situation. Let’s face it, this is a life long skill that will be needed later. If you find that your child is currently in a sport they simply do not enjoy… rather than pulling them midway through the season, start to have the talks of how they can find one thing from their sport that is a positive and a win for them.
Low self confidence and constant comparison to peers can create a bad attitude.
Unfortunately, kids do compare themselves to other kids. Whether it is in school, sports, or other situations, they are beginning to understand their identity and where they fit in their current social and athletic environments. When children start to compare and create negative self images of themselves based on where they view their current position, it can create low self confidence and negative views of themselves.
Strategies: Finding ways to highlight the child’s strengths in their sport and finding other traits of being a great athlete besides just physical talents. Encouraging children to develop well-rounded attributes that are positive within the social, academic, and athletic environments can really help children see how they are positive and impactful contributors. Not every child is going to be the star. But every child has amazing attributes that should be not only highlighted by parents, but reinforced to have the child identify on their own.
These are just a few examples of why children may develop a bad attitude in sports. Honestly, there could be a ton of other reasons that are contributing to the negativity. However, without talking to the athlete, it would be hard to understand why they are feeling how they are feeling. My recommendation to parents is to keep the conversation open and positive. Sometimes the best way out of a negative attitude is through a negative attitude. Dive deep into what truly is causing the negativity. Sometimes, this may cause for some self reflection as parents and see if there are some things you may have inadvertently said or done that could have created some of the negativity.
We all need self reflection sometimes.
Does this mean you are a bad parent? Absolutely not. You are human. And just like you want your child to learn, parents often need to learn still too. If you ever need some additional advice or recommendations, please contact me. I would be happy to either meet with your child and help them!
